A couple of Sundays ago, while sitting on my porch swing, God was bringing something up to me over and over again.
“I will fight for you, Mandy. I will fight for you.”
Now, I am not a confrontational person, but I can hold onto a memory of a wrongdoing just like the best of us. It can eat at me until I feel like I have to prove something.
The urge to fight for myself and to prove how good I’m doing, or how right I think I am, is a struggle within me but it also perpetuates the wrongdoing in my mind. Then I wonder, “Have I truly forgiven them?”
Number one, forgiveness is key. It’s what God commands. It’s the reminder that I am also a sinner and no better than the next guy.
True forgiveness, as I’ve experienced, is null of the urge to fight back or show someone up. It’s letting go, loving others and ourselves, and moving forward in peace.
Days after God’s protective words to me, the awful killings at a sweet church in Charleston happened. I was, as I’m sure the majority of us were, deeply saddened by the hatred and evil that young man displayed and the tremeduous loss the many families and friends suffered.
But then I watched the film of the victim’s families openly forgiving the guilty man and letting God do the judging. I was in awe of their quickness to forgive. What an example of Christian love!
All relationships have opportunities for forgiveness. I will constantly fight for my close relationships!
On rare occasion, I come to a crossroad in deciding if I should build smart boundaries for that particular friendship for my own wellbeing.
So, it can be tricky. Yes, we are called to love always…but not be a doormat for disrespect.
I’m thankful that God speaks to me, gives me strong urges, and provides me with wise counsel in His Word and with others when making decisions on continued reconciliation or gracefully closing the door of that friendship if there is a history of no reciprocal and loving response.
God was speaking to me that Sunday afternoon.
“I will fight for you, Mandy. I will fight for you.”
Wow. That cut me to the core. To know that there is nothing more I need to do or say. God will take care of a situation I feel is out of my hands after I’ve forgiven, been kind, and attempted to reach out but did not receive a reciprocal response from the other.
I can only control my own actions.
God is able to help the other, as He sees fit as well, and my job is to love them, reach out for reconciliation, but also have healthy boundaries for my mind and my heart. This will look different for everyone and each circumstance.
I need Him to shine light on my rough, sinful, and dirty spots too. God, please continue to point them out to me. Many times, we have no clue how we might have hurt someone. Our sensitivities can be dulled.
You see, He’s in the midst of my battlefield already and the victory is His. God Wins! And for that, I am forever grateful!
So, do I trust God to take care of my life and fight for me when I have no idea what He’s up to? And can I make sure I have done all I can to treat others as kindly as possible with love, peace, and forgiveness, while also having respect for myself?
Yes, I believe I do… and I can.
“Yes God, I need You to fight for me!”
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge,
my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written:
“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry,
feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning
coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Romans 12: 17-21
Now for the someone who has been hurt by wrongdoings, and then the person tries to reach out and be apart of said person’s life again, does that person forgive and be friends again? How far do you go to forgive someone? God wants us to love and not hate, He wants us to show people his love, but do we love from a distance? do we “overcome evil with good” from afar? What about family members? when there is a brother that is hurting and has cut his mom out of his life, how does a person fix that?
Hey Kira,
Thank you so much for you feedback and great questions! I am no expert on forgiveness but the Bible is the number one source for learning on this topic and I learn more everyday! 🙂 I love how the Lord is described in Psalm 103:8-12:
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
I try to see what forgiveness looks like through the lens of this verse with relationships (slow to anger, loving, does not repay, does not harbor anger). In light of that, we see an example of how we can treat others with love and forgiveness.
Now, when it comes to you staying in friendship with the other person, that is where I think discernment comes in. There are no perfect people and we are frequently given chances to forgive and or be forgiven in our relationships, right? I believe we should always try to first and foremost keep relationships as strong and open as possible (ex: close friends and our family). Usually someone has to be the one to “forgive first” and reach out if that relationship is strained and hopefully their attempts are successful!
I can’t go into all of the ways someone could be hurting another though. That’s where wise counsel, healthy boundaries, and discernment come into play. Prayer, reading the Word, guidance by pastors/counselors, and wise friends can help you make those decisions. We can only control how we treat someone (forgive, love them, help them). We can do these things and we can have healthy boundaries too. For example, in my case, I have gently closed doors in some dating relationships I’ve been in. Forgiveness was accomplished but I felt that it was just not smart to continue to stay in close contact with that person. That make sense?
I hope this helps some. Again, I am only human. It’s hard to wrap our minds around something that God can do so easily through our belief in Christ’s death and resurrection. Praise Him for that!
Blessings,
Mandy
Sometimes it takes a reader’s questions to get my mind to digging deeper and editing in hopes of communicating more clearly. #thankful
Well written and so insightful for a young lady. God truly blesses you with the ability to put thoughts and truths to paper. So true and such inspiring words really make us proud to claim you as “Such a blessing”.
May God continue blessing your life and make you a source of help and advice for people who need a little light on their darkened paths..
Love Ya,
KK & Pop
Thank you so much, Pop! Love you!