In my life, I have had an interesting relationship with the trinity. I wouldn’t dare try to explain the trinity to you here as I wouldn’t do it justice. It’s a mesmerizing and glorious mystery of how God can be in 3 forms and I love every bit of it.
In my childhood, I grasped God as my Father and Jesus as my Friend and Savior very easily. It wasn’t until I was a teenager walking in my salvation that I began to understand more of the intricacies that includes the gift of the Holy Spirit. I’ll be honest, I still get confused as to who I address my prayers to at times but I’m fully confidant that all ears are on deck.
- “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Matthew 6:9-10
- “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27
- “Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.” Romans 8:34
It was in my early thirties that I began to feel closer to Jesus. He was around my age at the time when the majority of his teaching and life was documented in the scriptures. He died and was resurrected at age 33. Being single at that age myself, I felt a kindredness with Jesus. I felt I understood a bit about His heart, loneliness, and how isolated He probably was with the mainstream living amongst his same aged peers.
I still feel that bond with Jesus but, just over the past couple of months, I’ve felt a very strong pull and connection to God. He has been speaking to me and guiding me through some emotional paths I’ve taken the past few months. It’s also no surprise that I was doing a Bible study with my small group entitled, “Discerning the Voice of God” over the same timeframe.
Be sure when you are seeking God’s voice that you are ready to listen to Him because He undoubtably has something to say.
Around a month ago, my Dad was very sick. As is the case when a loved one is hurting or sick, the world slowly begins getting smaller and smaller blurring itself against whatever is immediately in front of you. I won’t go into big details about his hospital stay, as that is his story to tell, but I will tell you more about how God was speaking directly to me over the course of those 8 days.
I have never received this many love letters from God in one small timeframe…or maybe I have and I wasn’t spiritually mature enough to really read them.
After around 5 days of being in the hospital, my Dad had to undergo a very serious surgery. Because of some other issues that emerged previous to the surgery, we didn’t really understand the full extent of how serious this procedure was. Praise to God all went well and results were clear!
After the surgery, while my Dad was recovering, I began playing a word game with my brother and family in the waiting room. In the game, there are around 5 letters given to you randomly and you make as many approved words out of it as possible. Well, wouldn’t you know it that on round 4 or 5 I looked at the letters given and BAM right in front of me was “GOD.” You better believe I clicked those letters faster than my fingers knew how.
That night I got home and checked my mail for the first time in 5 days. I had pre-ordered a book the month previous but had forgotten about it, honestly. I opened the package and right in my hands was the book entitled, “Remember God.”
That next morning, as my Dad was feeling much better but just waiting for test results, I decided to go to a couple of sessions at the Catalyst Conference that was 20 minutes down the road. That morning I walked in fully ready to be nauseated with happy faces, cheerful dispositions, and squeaky clean leaders that had not been hanging out in a 10 foot deep and wide hospital room over the past 7 days. Well, I got into the arena, sat in the far upper section away from the seemingly happy people and waited to see what God wanted to tell me.
“Ok, God. I’m here,” I said to myself. My brain wasn’t fully there but my heart sure needed a big hug.
As the opening song began, I was astonished. Every year, the intro song and event atmosphere is usually full of upbeat music, confetti, and balloons…but this year there was a somberness to the air. A spotlight shown on the front stage where an orchestra began playing the most beautiful song I had ever heard. It was like heaven had dropped down into the arena. The script on the screen read this:
“He will take your fatigue, weariness, and exhaustion and invigorate you with the vitality of freedom. Take upon His yoke, it is easy, light and gentle. We are being made right. Though the enemy looks to kill, steal, and destroy, there is a Victor looking to make us whole and it is under His name we lead…JESUS!”
So there were tears… but how sweet they were. I showed my parents the video I made of it when I returned to the hospital that afternoon and there were more tears as you can imagine.
That night I decided to go back and hear one of my favorite speakers. As I left the arena around 9:30 pm there were people outside handing out water bottles. I was ready to get home to my bed so a water bottle was the last thing on my mind at 9:30 at night…but when they persistently continued to try to give me one, I succumbed to the generosity and grabbed one from a gentleman.
I saw there was a handwritten note on it so I flipped over the paper and this is what I saw: “DON’T LOSE HOPE!”
Ok, God. I hear you.
The next day my Dad was discharged from the hospital and his test results came back normal. Praise!!
“Don’t Lose Hope” held multiple meanings for me. Yes, it was a peaceful message about my Dad’s health but digging a little deeper, I had a lot on my mind from weeks before still running around. Worries, fears, and a little anger still mixed in with my previous scuffle with God (click HERE later to read about my fight).
This message was a sweet balm to my soul and an encouragement to me that God saw me that night right where I was.
Tired, sad, weary, scared.
I was still in His plan. Step by step. Second by second. I couldn’t lose hope. I just couldn’t.
So this is my story. There were many more personal God-winks that happened to me and my family that week but I wanted to share these that involved only me.
Many times, God speaks to me through other people and His Word. It might look like meeting “the right person at the right time” or hearing two separate people say the same thing to me on different occasions or having a scripture or worship song show up on every turn. But these were different because they were so personal. And there was no mistake that they were meant to be heard, to be seen, and to be a comfort for me and my family.
I pray that God keeps speaking to me like that. I pray that I keep being open to seeing and listening to the world around me, not just the physical world, but the spiritual world. I pray that the Holy Spirit keeps moving in my heart and soul directing me to the moments I need to go that God has made a way for already.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I pray that for you too. May we all live with our eyes wide open and ears receptive to what He has to say to us.
It could be just what our heart, mind, and soul has been searching for all along.
And quite frankly, my dear, what He says is the only thing that matters.
“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.” Hebrews 12:28-29