I haven’t been the writer I should be lately. I know there isn’t “one type” of writing I should do but I’ve known what I should write more about. Truth is, I haven’t because of one little thing: fear.
Yup, that ugly hairy monster that hides behind my blinking cursor and knows just what buttons to push on my confidence before I can even think about hitting the PUBLISH button.
Here are some of the fears and lies that it’s been telling me lately when I’ve wanted to write about a topic very close to my heart: Singleness.
“People will get sick of your whining.”
“It’ll probably limit your audience.”
“Guys won’t ask you out in fear that you’ll write about them.”
“Once you start dating someone seriously you’ll forget all about it anyway.”
“You don’t want to be the “Single Spokesperson.””
I’m going to talk back to the fear monster. I’m putting it in writing because it will keep me accountable and, for me, when I type it out it no longer has as much control over me.
1) “People will get sick of your whining.”
The thing I’ve learned about writing is that you can’t please everyone. If one person gets something out of a post I’ve written, then it was worth it. I can’t apologize if something isn’t relatable to 100% of the people that read it but I do believe that there are themes of life that are relatable to all, regardless of a relationship status. So with your free will as the reader, it’s up to you to continue reading.
2) “It’ll probably limit your audience.”
This one can be true. What I write from my perspective on singleness is truly from my eyes only. And yes, my married friends may not get as much out of it. But instead of having a watered down post I need it to be pungent and matter. If that means the audience becomes narrower, then that’s the price I must pay to be loyal to my heart.
3) “Guys won’t ask you out in fear that you’ll write about them.”
This one may seem silly but it’s an honest fear of mine. I love men. I love looking at them, talking to them, and especially being asked out by them.
You see, when you don’t have something for a long time you start subconsciously treating it with delicate hands. Hopeful that you won’t slip up and do something or say something or look a certain way that could keep it from you because you see how quickly it can disappear or never show up to start with.
It’s hard to remember that God has it planned out for me and I just have to TRUST him to bring it through. That I can’t mess up His plans if I stay close to Him. I am a pretty private person with respect to whom I’ve dated so while I may write about themes of dating, no names will be used. 😉
And truth be told, Taylor Swift has had her share of suitors and they knew what their fate was upfront, so I got that going for me already…
4) “Once you start dating someone seriously you’ll forget all about it anyway.”
This has been close to my heart lately. It’s so easy to become wishy-washy. Yes, we cry, wish, and cheer each other on in the singles club but once Mr. comes along we wash away the tears and never look back. But I don’t want to forget the hard times, the lonely nights, the joy of solitude, and the comradery of the people that understand me in a way few people can. I see singleness not as a “season” anymore but just as “my life.” And marriage will just be a continuation of that same life.
5) “You don’t want to be the “Single Spokesperson.””
You see, deep down, I was afraid to talk about singleness cause I might be really good at it. And then God would have to keep me single while I comforted those that eventually ended up at the altar. Yes, I thought so highly of myself to believe that I could only be used to support and comfort those going through struggles if I was currently down there in the trench with them. But I know better than that.
We can learn from those in the trench with us but also from those who’ve been right where we are but can now lend down the rope.
So there we have it. Now, I have no excuse. The fears won’t dissipate on command. I’ll need to keep reminding myself and I’ll need encouragement from you too. Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far. It means more to me than you know!