I’m in a Fight

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been in a fight with 2014 for about 10 months now. Truth is, I was in a fight with the last part of 2013 so I guess it didn’t have a good starting chance.

I know, I should try to just move ahead with resolve and make the best of it. Make lemonade with lemons.

But what if I don’t like lemonade? 

This year, although has had its definite ups, has been peppered with some anxious and sad moments with the uncertain feeling of “change ahead” looming.

If you can, imagine with me a cartoon character just minding her own business with a sneaky little storm cloud hanging out above her head. Kind of like the pesky, yet endearing, dirt cloud that encircles the precious Peanuts character “Pig-Pen.”

This year has felt a little like that.

I won’t assume that things I’ve been through are any worse than anyone else. In fact, a lot of what I’ve seen and felt this year has impacted others more poignantly than me.

I have blessings out the wahoo and a lot to be grateful for! I don’t take those for granted. In fact, they’ve been seen all the more clearly this year in comparison!

And I’ve met some goals, ones I didn’t think were possible to meet as quickly as I did, all because of some serious focused thinking. The goals I set and maintained gave me monotony and comfort.

Excel sheets and charts became my weakness.

Truth is, I used to feel guilty for not always saying “great” when someone asks how I’ve been. But you know, saying the truth is sometimes braver. And that’s how you get prayers too. It’s awesome, really!

And you’d be surprised how other people are having a hard time too, once they see that it’s ok to be “real.”

But, the truth is, life is hard. And sometimes when it seems to come in moments of succession, you really start feeling the draft.

You almost get a little numb from the chill.

And at the end of the day, God has been a constant structure of support for me. My rock! I’ve basically concreted my anchor to HIM and am clutching on patiently, longing to hear those sweet sounds of “5, 4, 3, 2…Happy New…”

That’s not to say 2015 will be perfect. In fact, no year really is entirely perfect. That’s just life.

But I feel stronger going into it. I know my resolve, my sources of strength and joy, my family and close friends that have my back, and I’m ready!

Look out November and December. I’ve got back up.

 

“On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me.”

Psalm 63:6-8

 

*Illustration by Mandy Smith 🙂

8 Replies to “I’m in a Fight”

  1. Thanks for your transparency, Mandy! It can be hard to acknowledge that everything isn’t always “great” or even “fine.” I think a lot of peace comes with admitting when things aren’t perfect, but that God is the refuge in those stormy seasons.

    1. You’re so welcome, Andrea! Thank you for reading and commenting! I agree so much and I’m so glad He is!

  2. As always, Mandy, you did an awesome job of relaying your thoughts and feelings . We agree, sometimes life is rough, but makes us appreciate the blessings we have from our Lord. Everything is always on God’s time and will.
    We love you so much…………

    1. Ma & Dad, I love you guys so much! Thank you for always being such a BIG support for me! You are so right!

  3. I know that I have grown the most during these times that you’re talking about, but it’s still hard to press on in hope. Thanks for sharing your struggles so that others may be encouraged with that same Hope! Love you!

    1. It’s so awesome to be able to share with everyone and to know we’re not alone in hard times, Donna! Love you too!

  4. I love your outlook on the New Year, even though I’m reading it already into the 4th day of 2015.I didn’t want to set a resolution this year, because it felt pointless. Each year since 2011 seems only to have gotten worse. But I also read your reasons to set a resolution and to track it and it makes total sense. No point in floating through life aimlessly.
    You’ve also inspired me to start a blog. My boyfriend has been pushing me to do so ever since we met, but I’ve always made excuses. No more excuses, I resolve to start my own blog in 2015 🙂
    And when I do,, perhaps you’ll read it 🙂

    BTW, I’m a Physical Therapist Assistant with a knack for writing. Looks like we have a little something in common Mandy

    1. Becca,
      I’m so glad to read the you’ve been inspired to begin your blogging journey! How wonderful! I hope that this year brings you a lot of joy at work and in your writing adventures! Blessings!

Leave a Reply